'Dick-ometrics': Prove your membership with your pants down

Using your penis as your password isn't new (you can already do it on an iPhone), but one porn site wants to make it standard practice for members. 

On Thursday, live-cam site CamSoda launched "Dick-ometrics," a stand-up new way to log in to your account. (CamSoda assured us this is not a belated April Fools' joke.) 

CamSoda has a history of racy stunts: It recently offered to pay for your internet if you streamed your life 24 hours a day, in clothes or out of them. In the case of "Dick-ometrics," pants aren't optional, but perhaps surprisingly given the software's name, it doesn't measure your size, or track your stamina or how long you're on the site. Instead, Dick-ometrics is just a fancy new way of saying "lets you log in with your penis."

But why drop trou to sign in? According to CamSoda, your penis print is as unique as a fingerprint or retina scan. Naturally (and purely in the vein of security), we had some questions about safety and sharing (and who has to look at all those dick pics, poor soul?), so we asked CamSoda Vice President Darren Press via email just how safe your man bits are.

Where are the dick pics stored on CamSoda's servers? How do we know this isn't some massive database waiting to be breached? 

The pictures are encrypted. Our team has worked tirelessly to ensure Dick-ometrics is satisfactory and completely safe. We understand people's sensitivities and would never do anything to jeopardize their confidentiality. 

Dick-ometrics is being introduced to help ensure their confidentiality, not the other way around. The original picture someone takes is used to create a hashed datastore, but is never kept in an image format. Once we have the attributes of the user's penis, we are able to authenticate it.

What is CamSoda's penis recognizing software? How many penises did CamSoda have to run through to get it to work? 

CamSoda's penis recognition technology (PRT) was developed in-house. We also contracted out to a firm specializing in biometrics to help refine the technology and get it as accurate as possible. 

Right now it identifies penises with a confidence of about 76 percent. The goal is to get it above 95 percent. The differences in the penile state, however, make this more difficult. Girth, length, curve, vascularity are all affected by the level of arousal.  At the moment, we are focusing on erect penises as our go-to for login.

How does it know the biometrics are secure? What if I just held up a photo of another man's dick?

Our PRT recognizes any penis -- you can use another man's. But that wouldn't be recommended as it's not that secure. At least one other person, the owner of that penis, would have the ability to access your accounts and potentially millions if it's an adult entertainment star's penis. So, in short, for secure access, use your own damn penis. It's secure.

So next time you want to send an unsolicited dick pic, just use it to log in to your porn instead. 

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