Why You Can Trust CNET Happy birthday, Captain Kirk! Beam up these galactic gift ideas
James Tiberius Kirk won't be born for more than 200 years, but when he gets here, he'd probably like an Enterprise beer bottle opener.
- Co-author of two Gen X pop-culture encyclopedia for Penguin Books. Won "Headline Writer of the Year" award for 2017, 2014 and 2013 from the American Copy Editors Society. Won first place in headline writing from the 2013 Society for Features Journalism.
Is it any surprise Iowa-born James T. Kirk (William Shatner) is wearing University of Iowa colors?
What do you get a swashbuckling starship captain who has everything?
March 22 is Captain James T. Kirk's birthday, according to official Trek resources, even though the Star Trek captain won't be born for 216 years.
Kirk's biography has James Tiberius Kirk born on March 22, 2233 in Riverside, Iowa. Since everyone reading this in 2017 will be dead by then, better get shopping for Kirk's birthday now. Here are some gift ideas the man who commanded the Enterprise might appreciate. (March 22 is also William Shatner's 86th birthday, so these gifts could do double duty.)
The seat of command just got a lot more comfortable
Boldly go where no rec room has gone before with this cover that turns any boring beanbag chair into Kirk's Enterprise command chair (Think Geek, $60, £48, AU$78).
Sink into the seat of command.
United Federation of Plants
Kirk doesn't seem like the type who'd ever have settled down to a retirement of gardening and crossword puzzles, but if he did, he should install this garden gnome sculpture (Think Geek, $25, £20, AU$32) in his yard to remind him of that epic battle with the stylishly clad Gorn. ("Next Generation" fans also have gnomes all their own.)
Weeds will be afraid to grow in your garden with this Kirk-Gorn garden gnome.
Live long, and enjoy Precious Moments
Precious Moments figurines are the kitschiest kitsch in any galaxy. Of course there's a Kirk-related one (Bradford Exchange, $100, £80, AU$130), which features a Kirk lookalike watching himself deal with the Tribbles while accompanied by ... is that Yeoman Rand? And poor Spock seems to have been transformed into the dog.
Space's weirdest knick-knack: Kirk in a Precious Moments figurine.
Drink to the Enterprise
Scotty, with his near-obsessive love of the Enterprise, might find this somehow blasphemous, but we bet Kirk would have no problems with an Enterprise-shaped bottle opener (StarTrek.com, $20, £16, AU$26). Pass the Romulan ale.
Space, the final front beer.
My other car is the Starship Enterprise
Unbeatable, un-schmeatable: Give Kirk a reminder of his Starfleet Academy days with this license plate holder proclaiming "I beat the Kobayashi Maru," the infamous no-win test Kirk reprogrammed back in his school days.
Baby, you can drive my starship.
Tell a phone, tell a scope, tell a captain
Who's to say a guy like Kirk wouldn't miss the years he spent in space? Get him a real telescope -- this one ($66, £53, AU$86) is Amazon's best-seller -- and he can spend clear nights gazing up at the sight of his greatest adventures. Doubt he would need the included sky maps, though.
I think I can see Vulcan from here.
Unlock the secrets of the 'Galaxy'
If Kirk could defeat the Kobayashi Maru, he can keep his brain active with this mind-boggling metal puzzle, aptly called the Galaxy ($13, £10, AU$17). Maybe he can take it apart, but can he put it back together without reprogramming the system?
Dammit, Jim, I'm a doctor, not a puzzle-solver!
Ticket to ride
If Kirk misses space, he can sign up with Jeff Bezos' Blue Origin to head back as a tourist, touching the fringes of space and seeing our planet from the angles he once used to take for granted from the bridge of the Enterprise. Suborbital space trips reportedly start in 2018 and will cost an estimated $150,000-$250,000 a ticket (£120,000-200,000, AU$195,000-325,000).
All Kirk ever asked was a tall ship, and a star to steer her by.
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